August 2021

Dear Kaibigan,

I was going through my closet and pulling out clothes that no longer fit the person I am. There are many strategies of cleaning out and organizing and one of mine is trying on the items that I am ambivalent on to see how they fit, how I feel in them and how I see myself in them. I walk, sit, turn and twist my body. I pay attention to any discomfort my body experiences in these items and the tiny ways my body conforms to or rejects the item. This for me is a form of mindfulness activity. My sense of touch and sight are doing some heavy lifting to get me present in the moment and really look at my body in such a way that I notice how I am treating it.

I’ve been attentive to my body as well during my hikes and observed that I’ve been hyper focused on the ground. I’m conscientious of the tightness in my neck, the slouch in my shoulders and the curving of my back. I understand that I look down to avoid tripping over roots and rocks for my safety. In doing so, my body closes inward and I feel as if I’m closing off my body to nature while tensing it. I remind myself to look up. To pull my shoulders back and open my body towards the direction I want to go. I see in these moments of movement how my body is working to support me and how it responds to what I do to it. I’m embarrassed at how I have easily ignored my body’s strength and neglected to pay attention to how I treat it throughout the day. I don’t think about my posture or the tightness in my muscles until I feel discomfort or pain. I don’t express enough gratitude for how my body is resilient in helping to do the things I like to do. My body awareness made me think about how well I know my body and how there is much more to learn about it every day.

I learned in my late teens and during my first quarter at UC Irvine about women’s health…a fresh concept as I had up to that point known health issues to be universal. It never occurred to me that because women’s bodies have specific needs that my healthcare needed to be customized to my female body rather than subscribe to a general human body framework. I read pamphlets on women’s health at my school’s health center, I talked to a medical provider about the necessity of making an appointment for a physical exam while symptom-free instead of waiting until I felt some discomfort, I was taught about the importance of a pap smear, also known as cervical cancer screening, and monthly breast self-exams, and I struggled to fully comprehend health insurance and my legal rights to confidentiality about my health, including from my parents. I was accustomed to relying on my parents for all my health and dental matters. I was on their health plan, my mother made my dental appointments, and my father with his medical background was my go-to for my primary care needs. I was bombarded with new information and, overwhelmingly, with the new knowledge that I had an opportunity to learn and proactively participate in my health.

I had recently turned 18 years old, and I was, for the first time as a legal adult, able to make big life decisions about my health without the requirement of parental consent. I felt intimidated by the array of information and services made available to me at school. I also recall feeling terrified that I was doing something wrong learning about women’s health services and listening to facts on reproductive health without my parents’ knowledge. I was raised to be obedient and respectful of parents, adults and authority figures. I was too scared about angering my parents for concealing this experience despite that they both have medical backgrounds and likely would have been able to have a logical conversation with me. Focusing on my health and taking ownership of it truly felt in conflict with what I was taught because I had not asked my parents for their opinion and for their permission to learn about women’s health, my health, and to access services on my own. It was stunning and intriguing to step out of my autopilot mode of including my parents on my health matters. It felt that researching and consulting with medical providers outside of my family was a rebellious act. I realize now that I was terrified because I was making a decision out of my curiosity and self-determination.

This existential experience reinforced that I was capable of and responsible for determining my own development in life through acts of will. We each can make independent choices and assume responsibility for their consequences. I also believe that we can do this in the context of cultural values and in relation to others. Having curiosity about our bodies and how it works is a healthy approach to our wellness and overall health. It allows us to ask questions, to explore and to attend to our body’s needs. I grew up amongst healthcare providers and depended on their wisdom and opinions without much thought. UC Irvine’s health services taught me the value of prevention and actively acquiring knowledge about my body. I began to understand the importance of initiating care and self-advocacy when it came to my health and body. This is an ongoing and indefinite process. As I do in my hikes and clearing out of unwanted items in my closet, I make choices to move my body as it interacts with a stimulus. I pay attention to the messages it communicates so I know when I need to stop doing something that causes pain and what I need to keep doing to heal and strengthen it. Sometimes this looks like getting professional healthcare support while other times it looks like me expressing gratitude towards my body as a form of acceptance of how wonderful it already is and how strongly it serves me.

I have preventive health measures in place such as noticing details and sensations in and on my body, and I choose to act in response to what I’m learning about my body. You can pay attention to your body and note sensations like tension, pain, discomfort, and changes in mood and energy. Look at how your body moves when you are walking, sitting or eating. Regardless if you regularly see a medical provider, consider that paying close attention to your body and how it reacts to what you do teaches you how your body is doing, what it likes, what it doesn’t, how it’s changing, the curves and bumps of it, and what’s typical for your body and what may have become abnormal.

Our pasalubong for this month is a body scan activity to help increase your body awareness and instill curiosity in getting to know your body:

•  Spend some time on each of your body parts, just noticing the sensations. Noting sensations such as temperature, tightness, looseness, pressure, or pain. The point isn’t to change or relax your body, but instead to notice and become more aware of it.

•  Pay close attention to physical sensations throughout your body while in a comfortable position. You can do this with your eyes open or close. Move slowly as you go through this exercise.

• Begin by noticing the sensations in your feet. What sensations do you feel? Do they feel warm or cool? Is there pain or pressure?

• Slowly move up your ankles and pay attention to the sensations you feel in them.

• Move to your calves, next your knees, then thighs. What sensations do you feel in each of these parts?

• Make your way to your hips and pelvis. What sensations do you feel in each of these parts?

•  Slowly move up to your stomach. Now your ribcage and back. What sensations do you feel?

• Notice your chest. Describe the movement and sensations.

• Gradually move to your shoulders, arms, hands, and fingers. What sensations do you feel in these parts?

• Softly go up to your neck and notice the sensations.

• Finally make your way tenderly to your head. Pay attention to your jaw, face, ears and the top of your head. What sensations do you feel?

•  After you travel up your body, begin to slowly make your way back down starting from the top of your head, through each body part you visited, until you reach your feet again.

• Move slowly, and just pay attention to the sensations. You can move up and down for as long and as often as you want.

• Take time to reflect on what you learned about your body through this activity.

  • What were the common sensations throughout your body?

  • What new or surprising sensations came up?

  • What messages did your body share with you as you paid close attention to its many parts?

May your curiosity and self-determination to understand your body throughout your life guide you in making choices that bolsters your physical wellness.

We support you proactively participating in your health,

Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well