Are You Being Grateful?

July 2023                   

Dear Kaibigan,

I watched an interview with Jeremy Renner. You know the American actor who was in the movie Bourne Legacy and played Hawkeye in those Marvel Avenger movies? You may or may not have heard, he was run over and pinned underneath his personal snowplow vehicle this past January 1st at his Reno, Nevada home. He was severely injured, and the interview goes into gruesome details about his life-threatening injuries and his journey of rehabilitation. Mr. Renner was asked, “What do you see now when you look in the mirror?” And his response, “I see a lucky man”.

There are times when we express self-pity. When we feel bad about our circumstances and automatically harp on what’s wrong with our life and even ourselves. Perhaps you also focus on what’s wrong with others, even loved ones. I admired Mr. Renner’s gracious response. He easily could’ve focused on his injuries, his health struggles, and his sorrow over his experience. While I imagine he has lamented on what went wrong and what he could have done or not done on the day of his accident and likely had moments of worrying over his health, he was able to speak to his fortune in surviving that incident and having the support of loved ones.

I’ve cautioned before of being critical of yourself and focusing on the negative aspects of your day, your situation or your actions as our inner critic is constantly scanning like a vulture waiting to dive towards its prey and satisfy its predatory hunger for negativity.

I remind you, in a similar fashion as Mr. Renner, to help yourself to see what has gone well, is going well or has been good enough about your circumstance. This is known as ‘gratitude’. The practice of being grateful or expression of gratitude can retrain your brain to think differently and allow you to move out of a negative mindset. Gratitude instills compassion towards ourselves and others. It can also facilitate hope, openness and optimism in how we relate to ourselves, others, and the world.

Gratitude is a human emotion, an action we can take, a practice we can integrate into our daily activities, and a mindset shift that occurs when we make a choice to pay attention to the neutral and positive aspects of our experiences. Gratitude includes being attentive to our surroundings and taking the time to notice what piques our interest or brings us uplifting energy.

What have you accomplished? What are you proud of? What went well this week? What do you hope to go well next week? These types of questions are examples of applying gratitude which allows you to take on the perspective that something positive happened or remains in your life.

Gratitude, according to research studies, can change you and your brain. One way is that gratitude stimulates the region of our brainstem where dopamine is produced, causing us to feel excitement or pleasure. This feel-good chemical helps us to pay more attention to the positive aspects of our experiences. The more we practice being thankful about our day, relationships, and our abilities, the more we feel good. The more likely we will see the positive aspects of our experiences rather than overlooking them.

Robert Emmons, a scientific expert on gratitude, believes gratitude affirms that goodness exists in the world and our lives. Gratitude also promotes our recognition that these sources of good – such as other people, higher power, the universe – exist outside of ourselves, helping us to achieve goodness in how we live.

Our pasalubong this month are ways you can practice gratitude in your daily life:

Express appreciation to individuals, events and interactions that you would normally consider ordinary or just a part of your day –

• Say thank you when someone acts kindly and respectfully towards you and others. For instance, someone holds a door open for you or steps to the side on the sidewalk to let you pass by.

• Greet strangers when you’re walking in public areas with a smile and a hello.

• Thank your loved one for spending time with you by sharing what you like about your interaction.

Give attention to your interests, favorites, and efforts –

• We can have bad days or days we aren’t as motivated to do much. We may be struggling with depression, anxiety or another mental health condition or a physical ailment. Recognize yourself for getting out of bed, getting ready for your day, or attempts to follow through on your responsibilities.

• Small tasks and rituals we usually enjoy can feel so burdensome when we’re unwell. You need to be kinder and more compassionate towards yourself in these moments by saying encouraging statements that focus on what you’re trying or have put in effort. Words like, “I did it”, “I got this”, and “That was hard, and I got through it” are motivating and allow your mind to focus on what you’re able to do despite any barriers.

Piggyback gratitude acts onto regular daily activities or rituals so it becomes a part of your everyday life –

• State a positive interaction you had with someone that day while you’re washing dishes.

• Think of the time when you enjoyed connecting to another person.

• Notice the smell of your bath products the next time you shower or bathe.

• What flavor do you taste from your toothpaste and how does the foam feel in your mouth?

• Point out what you’re thankful for in your day as you fold laundry or prepare your next meal.

• Say out loud one thing you admire in the room you’re presently occupying.

Take a gratitude walk by noticing details of what you see, feel, hear, smell and taste –

• For instance, pay attention to the warmth of the sun, the coolness of the wind, and the varied colors of the trees and plants around you.

• Can you smell or taste fragrances coming from flowers or plants?

• Stop to feel the texture of a tree trunk or petal of a flower

• What sounds do you hear from animals, humans and vehicles around you?

Start a gratitude journal and letters –

• Record what you’re thankful for in your day, week, month or life.

• Write a letter or note card to a loved one. I encourage you to write with a pen or pencil your message. If you can’t mail out your handwritten note, then take a photo of it and email or text it to the recipient. It’s an extra step, yet a powerful one because you’re showing your loved one that you took time to write out what you wanted to share with them.

Read articles and books on gratitude –

• I recommend browsing through UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Magazine https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/gratitude for shorter reads.

• The Little Book of Gratitude by Robert Emmons

• Gratitude is My Superpower: A children's book about Giving Thanks and Practicing Positivity by Alicia Ortego

Listen to podcasts that are intriguing for you on gratitude and other topics and share with a loved one what resonated for you.

• Not into sharing out loud? You can journal about it – write, record a video or audio on what stood out and what you’re taking away from the podcast.

List your accomplishments or activities you’ve done or are doing to nourish your wellness –

• You can use our free Wellness Checkup workbook, the Wellness Workbook or our online course to make sure you give yourself credit for doing at least one thing in each of the 10 dimensions of your wellness

• Comment on something that you feel proud about accomplishing or attempted to do, regardless of the outcome.

Let someone special know you care about them –

• Call a loved one or spend time in person with them just to spend time.

• Meet someplace you know they like or try out a new place together.

• Share an experience together. A friend of mine invited me to go to a museum when they had free tickets. They picked me up, we rode on a train, chatted for hours over a meal, and explored an area of San Francisco as part of our excursion to the museum. I felt very appreciated and cared for by this friend throughout the day. I especially enjoyed laughing and listening to their insights and reflections on art, life and relationships.

Volunteer –

• Your time and knowledge are valuable resources that you can freely give to others to express gratitude for what you have.

• You can volunteer to help a friend, formally volunteer for an organization, or sporadically get involved in community events to help in some way.

Being appreciative, expressing “thank you”, valuing what we have rather than what we don’t have, and practicing gratitude through every day acts builds an optimistic mind, fosters happiness and contentment, and allows us to be and interact in relationships with kindness and compassion. What a loving way to live!

Sending you praise,

 Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well