Are You Telling Yourself You’re Too Old to Learn?
March 2023
Dear Kaibigan,
I sometimes hear from clients, “What’s the point?”, “I’m too old”, and “It’s too late” when talking about past and current situations involving making changes, confronting someone who has wronged them, or pursuing a dream or goal they have for themselves. I hear in these types of statements, fear. It tells me that the person is scared that they’ll get a negative reaction or outcome, so they convince themselves their time has passed or there’s no need to act. There is a visceral feeling that some of us even experience when thinking about acting on ideas that will lead to a change because we fear we’ll be rejected or fail in some way. Basically, we won’t get the outcome we want.
I also hear this fear in statements around being too old to learn or try something new.
Are you telling yourself you’re too old to learn? Do you tell yourself versions of:
What’s the point?
It’s too much
I don’t have time
It’s for young people
I’m past my prime
I already know a lot
It’s too much effort
Are you telling yourself that it’s too late to learn something new? Learning is the process of acquiring new skills and information that can expand our insights, knowledge and intelligence about ourselves, others, and the world. Most people rely on education – the formal process of helping someone to learn –ranging from school to workshops to trainings to classes specific to a subject. Caring for our educational wellness is not limited to learning in a traditional educational setting. We can readily learn on our own in various ways. Sure, education makes learning more efficient since we don’t have to build skills and knowledge from no or little resources. Education also allows us to collectively share with a group our individual competencies and abilities. Yet, it is not the only way we learn.
Are you telling yourself you’re too old to learn? Formal education implies that learning is linear and has an end date. In life, the act of learning does not have an expiration date or deadline. There are constant opportunities that allow us to continue to expand on our intelligence and acquire skills that we can use to pursue interests, advance towards change and progress. Learning is lifelong.
Are you telling yourself that it’s too late to learn something new? The mindset of “I’m old”, “the ship has sailed” and “I’m past my prime” is self-limiting and self-sabotaging. Yes, you may be too old to enroll in elementary school as an adult, yet you’re at the ideal age to enroll in a trade school, adult school, college, graduate program, workshop, or training on a subject that truly interests you. You’re at the prime age to read on a topic that excites you. You’re at the appropriate point in your life that you can take lessons in the arts, try an activity, or interact with others willing to talk about life and learn from them a different perspective. You’re at the exact age to learn about anything and everything you want, including those you’ve put on hold.
Are you telling yourself you’re too old to learn? Well, you’re never ever too old to strengthen your brain muscle. Remember my letter to you in January, I asked you to stop being mean to yourself? Well, I say that telling yourself you’re too old to learn (and too old for anything for that matter) is cruel to yourself. You’re never ever too old to acquire understanding about yourself, others and the world. You’re never ever too old to try something different. You’re never too old to make a change. Quit holding yourself back from learning and trying something new.
Stop telling yourself you’re too old to learn. When you say versions of “I’m too old to learn,” here are some of the consequences you may or may not be aware of:
You’re hindering yourself from doing more of what you want.
You’re deprioritizing the different ways you would like to live your life.
You’re working way too hard to prevent or runaway from a change that may be necessary.
You’re getting in your own way and could end up (or continue to) blame others or the external world for any unhappiness or dissatisfaction.
You’re discouraging yourself from growing.
Quit telling yourself you’re too old to learn. Instead, question the reasons you tell yourself this or why you think this is true. Acknowledge your fears, apprehensions, and worry about learning and expanding on your intelligence. Question your reservations with making a change. Learning is an avenue to change. And change is very, very intimidating for many of us. Even changes we wished for and wanted can feel terrifying when we’re on the brink of experiencing that change.
Change is situational. We graduate from school. We change jobs. We grow taller. We learn new information every day. Each day we are experiencing change without being aware of it in that moment. In these moments of change, we are learning and we are a different version of ourselves. I like to believe that these change moments reflect the important, yet overlooked ways we are growing as a person.
I want you to get to know the many versions of who you are as you evolve over the course of your life. Your growth and personal development require the very fundamental skill of learning.
So, learn. Learn in any way you can, kaibigan. Learn outside of formal learning environments. Read articles. Listen to podcasts. Talk to loved ones about their worldviews. Talk to strangers about their day. Talk to the store clerks about random topics or about their products. Observe people go about their day in a public space. Watch documentaries. Spend a day in a library reading hardcopy books. Journal through writing, video or audio and revisit what you said. Sit or stand still and pay attention to what you can hear, see, feel, taste and smell to learn about the spaces you’re in.
Our pasalubong this month are questions to challenge the “I’m too old” and “too (fill in blank)” statements so that you have a process to enhance your educational wellness this month and learn something new about yourself:
Cultivate Curiosity
We learn how to be in this world from our experiences, environment, and relationships. We interpret our experiences in specific ways that make sense to us, and we develop narratives about such life events that inform us of how we can or need to behave. Question your way of thinking around learning to better understand how your association of learning and age came to fruition.
When did the mindset that you can’t keep learning or that it’s too late to learn or try something new begin?
What and who influenced you to take on the perspective that you can’t keep learning or that it’s too late to learn or try something new?
In your community and culture, how is learning valued and who is it for?
In your community and culture, how do people build on their skills and in what forums or ways do they learn?
In your community and culture, how is personal growth encouraged or discouraged?
How would you benefit from learning something new? And what new skill or experience would you like to have?
Learn about Your Fears
Fear is a powerful emotion. It can either force us to act or serve as a trap to stay stuck. Take a hard look at your fears and learn about them.
What are you afraid of if you went for something that you want?
What are you scared about in taking the steps to gather information to pursue a goal or dream?
What do you worry about in a worst-case scenario should you pursue something new?
What changes do you foresee happening should you be an active learner?
Reframe Your Perspective on Change
Change can feel scary and hard in so many ways. We sit with uncertainty about the future, and trying something new or different catapults us into uncertainty. What will happen if I make this decision? What if this choice doesn’t give me what I want? What if I do this and things turn out badly? Our ‘what if’ thoughts and dooms day thinking can really trip us like tripping over someone’s feet (or our own). The outcome from doing something different and new teaches us about ourselves and our situation. What you do with the lessons is up to you.
Rather than focusing on “change is hard”, try saying to yourself, “The change and outcome may not be the actual problems. My perspective and attitude about the change or outcome is likely what I’m reacting to”. What emotions come up when you say out loud that statement?
One of my go-to reframes on change and learning that I pass onto clients and friends is, "I’m investing in myself.” Replace the “I’m too old” mindset with this mantra and observe your physical and emotional responses each time you repeat it.
What additional encouraging statements can you make about learning and trying something new?
Practice Learning
Learning is healthy for us! Any lasting change of mood, behavior, outlook, or skillful ways to interact with others requires learning. You have an innate ability to take in new information throughout your life. This superpower probably became dulled as you felt forced to take on what others told you were the “right things” to learn and how to go about learning. Let’s tune into this learning superpower now and ask yourself,
What interests you?
How would you like to engage in this interest?
What do you already know about this?
What more would you like to know?
How do you want to continue to learn at any age and phase of your life?
Remind Yourself that Learning Supports Character Strength
Healing, recovery, and development are forms of learning as well. We have great influence over who we become. We have from childhood onward, learned good habits and character strengths.
What are your character strengths? For example, are you generous, respectful or creative?
How has learning added to your character strengths?
How has learning helped you to build on relationships?
How has learning helped you to be resilient in life?
Kaibigan, you have an abundance of opportunities to learn about yourself, absorb new concepts, try out a new activity, build on your skills, and soak up life lessons. Your personal growth and development require you to use your superpower of learning. You may be 12, 26, 49, or 81 reading this and questioning “what’s the point” or saying “I’m too old”. I say to you, keep investing in yourself no matter your age or circumstance.
Sharing excitement for your personal growth through learning,
Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well