Have a Meryenda for Your Life-Work Separation

May 2022                      

Dear Kaibigan,

Happy Asian/Asian-American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander (AANHPI) Heritage Month!! This May Laura and I are honoring our heritage by highlighting contributions of our AANHPI community. We also tie in the relevance of occupational wellness to our heritage month. Specifically, the impact of certain vocations, of those working overseas, and of the values people have about their jobs.

It’s necessary to consider your values in relation to your occupational wellness because we are surrounded by a ‘hustle culture’ that I think is an extension of a capitalistic social system. Hustle culture, according to Urban Dictionary, is defined as, “the glorification of working very long hours in hope of reaching one's professional goals while having a disregard for their health, and relationships with loved ones.” Let this statement sit with you for a bit.

Hustle culture encourages dedicating much of your time and energy to working. It defines success as you going above and beyond what is needed to produce more and more. Hustle culture promotes subscribing to the mindset that you must deprioritize your health and important relationships, really your personal life and wellness, for the sake of manufacturing results which you, your employer or a company can use for wealth creation. What is the tradeoff?

Hustle culture discounts your basic human need to connect with others. It forfeits the preservation of your attention to being a healthy, well-adaptive participant in your own life and in society. Companies, especially large corporations, will often entice their current and potential employees with benefits such as free food, gold standard health insurance, stocks, concerts, freebies at work, and other perks. They make it easier to stay at work or working longer. I work with several individuals who have lucrative jobs at well-established organizations and all of them have described a work system that supports a hustle culture. From the way the system rewards productive results to their performance evaluation process that requires specific, large-scale ways the employee has at least met ‘all expectations’ and made an impact on the company’s success.

Hustle culture plants doubt about yourself and leads you to ‘comparison-itis’ – comparing yourself to others in a way that you view them as doing more and are better than you. It also leads to feeling the now common ‘imposter syndrome’ – questioning your abilities, skills and contributions despite evidence that you are capable, your efforts have positive impact, and you've completed your tasks.

The combination of the hustle culture, comparison-itis and imposter syndrome can drive any person mad and believe that they are not working hard enough, are failing in some way, are coming up short, and are not good enough. This negative perception about yourself and your abilities can damage your confidence and feelings of worthiness in the workplace, in your personal life and in your relationships. The danger of feeling unworthy and not good enough or not enough is that you become more susceptible to focusing on work success to build your self-esteem, to withholding stating your needs, to disengaging from your interests and loved ones, and to accepting a vocational role or work culture that goes against your values or perpetuates unhealthy behaviors on your part or those inflicted onto us by others, especially those in a position of power and authority.

“I know very well that you would not furnish me a peaceful or pleasant environment in which to work. That is not how you work, so I am obliged to refuse any offer you might make.” This was said by Dr. Maya Angelou from her memoir, ‘Letter to My Daughter’, during a meeting she had with four producers, one of which made comments to put Dr. Angelou in her ‘place’. This quote was her rejection before they made an offer to her, knowing she had no desire to collaborate with them and she would not work under conditions that were less than what she wanted and deserved. Dr. Angelou cared enough for herself to come to her own defense by setting limits.

I share this quote as a reminder that you are an asset, and you bring into your workplace valuable skills and contribution. Most individuals, especially women and non-binary individuals of color and immigrants, will often tolerate hostile, toxic work environments out of necessity to earn money, fear of ‘making trouble’, and their socialization to be demure, respectful and obedient. Do not confuse being respectful with compliance. Assertiveness with aggression. Obligation with desperation. You can make choices out of necessity and still place limits with work – the number of hours you are willing to work, what you will accept in the workplace, and the kind of work culture in which you put yourself. You can refuse offers made to you that is less than what the dominant culture would want for themselves.

Safeguarding your occupational wellness from the hustle culture, comparison-itis and imposter syndrome can look like refusing to accept and tolerate less than what you deserve. Intentionally caring for your occupational wellness can also look like taking your work breaks or taking a holiday from work. Essentially, setting boundaries on your work time and tasks to have a life-work separation.

You read the last three words correctly…first life because your life is priceless, then work and a separation between the two. Attempts to create the more popular ‘work-life balance’ has a connotation that you must figure out a way to make equal or close to equal time for both work (first) then your life. I’m challenging this familiar idea by asking you to think of life-work separation which is about boundaries, or limits, that you set on how long and in what ways you focus on your personal affairs versus your job affairs. A 50/50 kind of balance is difficult with an 8-hour job schedule. It can feel nearly impossible if you have a job that requires you to be on-call 24 hours every now and then or work 12-hour shifts. You may have children or other dependents that rely on you to work more than one job which means you’re working more than 5 days a week. Kaibigan ko, I advocate that you constantly brainstorm ways to create a separation between your personal life and your job – whether it be the traditional employee situation, volunteer work, or stay-at-home role.

Our pasalubong this month is a compassionate push for you to create a life-work separation by having a meryenda during work hours and throughout the week:

 ‘Meryenda’ in the Philippines is a light meal or snack between noontime and evening meals, usually enjoyed with family, a colleague or a friend. Its Latin root means to win or deserve, a reference that the snack is something special and a treat. Meryenda is also a time for pause and to savor the rest we’ve earned together. I’ve heard my family and other Filipinos often say, “Mag meryenda tayo.” “Let’s take a break together.” “Let’s grab a snack.”

Have a meryenda to separate yourself from work and to take time for yourself. Back in May 2021 I wrote to you about our capacity blindspots when it comes to our occupational wellness. Think of meryenda as a way to lean on your personal interests rather than work’s interests. Remember in January of this year I talked about using rest as an antidote to resolutions? Think of meryenda as a form of rest, the kind that you can have by yourself or share with others. You can choose to have a snack during your meryenda or simply leave your workspace and enter a unique environment.

A big spoon and fork on a wall, found in many Filipino kitchens, are considered a cultural symbol of health and prosperity. For context, Filipinos typically use a spoon and fork to eat because meals include rice, and the spoon is useful in carrying the rice and other food while the fork is used to push the food onto the spoon. I’m not saying you must eat or use a spoon and fork in taking your meryenda. I bring these cultural symbols up to offer a visual reminder that your health is extremely valuable, and to prosper in life and in work, you must commit to giving yourself a break from labor to reset and reenergize. The idea of meryenda is to reward yourself with a treat that you’ve earned. This treat can be anything that allows you to separate your mind and body from the work’s demands so you can fully tend to your needs. This treat can vary throughout the week. It can be simply sipping on your favorite beverage to using the restroom to taking your legally-protected lunch and break times to taking time off.

Meryenda is such a lovely way to rest, to create separation between you and your work. And in doing so you’re proclaiming that you deserve and have earned that break, that meryenda. A reward for showing up for work. A treat for your efforts. A boundary that you have given work tasks sufficient attention and now need to stop and pivot to give yourself proper care before you return to the work’s demands.

Spain, Greece, Italy, and other countries of the alike have a siesta. Businesses close shop for a period of hours and the staff and owners can eat lunch without disruption, nap and have time to transition back to work. If you do live in a place where siestas are part of the lifestyle…I envy you! Take time now and reflect on how do you take advantage of these siestas?

You may not reside in a country or work for an employer or in an industry that integrates siestas in the culture. Hence, the more pressing reason to have a meryenda during work hours and throughout the week. Help your creative brain generate ideas by going through these questions:

·       What would you like to do during your meryenda time?

 ·       Who would you want with you during your meryenda?

 ·       If you incorporate food in your meryenda, what would you want to savor?

 ·       If you incorporate a non-work activity that doesn’t involve a meal, what would you want to experience?

 ·       What worries you if you rest during work hours?

 ·       How can you carve out time, even 15 minutes, for a meryenda?

 ·       What would get in the way of having your meryenda and what can you do to remove this barrier?

 ·       What’s a commitment you can make to yourself so you will have a meryenda during work time?

 ·       How about during the week?

 ·       How can having a meryenda on a regular basis help to also mitigate or counter your stress from the hustle culture, comparison-itis and imposter syndrome?

The hustle and bustle of our jobs can bring us enormous stress regardless of if we love what we do for our occupation. Work tasks and demands come to us on non-stop conveyor belts. The perks and benefits of your job are useful in getting you the resources for basic living – food, clothing, shelter. Work though doesn’t prioritize your health, wellbeing and important relationships. Your occupation is a tool to help create monetary wealth and financial stability. It is not the tool to connect to loved ones or to sustain meaningful life experiences. You know what can? Your health and the activities and people in your personal life. Separate yourself from work tasks often to rest and reenergize. Separate your personal time from your work time to create closeness with those you love and adore. Separate yourself from work’s needs to return inwards and care for your needs. One way to create this boundary for life-work separation is to take a break, a meryenda, during your work hours and throughout the week. In doing so, you will disrupt the hustle culture, manage your comparison-itis and challenge your imposter syndrome. Have the treat that you’ve earned my dear kaibigan…

Mag meryenda ka/Go have your meryenda.

Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well