Wear Your Proper Fit for a Positive Body Image
August 2022
Dear Kaibigan,
This letter on physical wellness is the last of the ten dimensions Laura and I started to cover back in September 2021. Can you believe that it’s been almost a year since we launched The Giving Well publicly?? August can mark the tail end of summer or another season depending in which half of the equator you live. In the USA, many families with school-aged children and those pursuing higher education will be preparing for the start of a new school year, which may include shopping for school supplies and clothing.
Shopping for clothes can be costly and frustrating, especially if you have limited income or you’re in the market for a specific style. The endless treasure hunt for the ideal clothing, shoes and accessories that combine style, comfort, practicality, and affordability can be daunting. Online or in store? Thrift shops or high end? There are so many options in how we can purchase our clothing, and we’re often propagated to prioritize style and affordability – the latest trend and the biggest discount – and may forgo quality and the proper fit for our bodies.
We can easily talk ourselves into buying and keeping ill-fitting clothes and shoes that might be too big or too tight, too short or too long, too (fill in the blank) to discard or donate. Common thoughts and rationale can include:
· Future thinking – “It will fit me later”, “I can lose weight”, “I can grow into it and save money”
· Past thinking – “It fit me before”
· Money – “It cost a lot of money”, “It’s on sale”
· Emotion – “I really like it”, “I love the color/pattern”, “The style is so cute”, “It belonged to my (special someone)”, “I saw one just like it on (celebrity name)”
· Thriftiness – “It’s wasteful to get rid of it”, “It’s in good condition”
· Scarcity mindset – “I may not be able to afford another one like this”
· Event – “This’ll be good for work”, “I have a special occasion coming up”
Kaibigan, do you recognize similar rationales you have in relation to your clothing? There is a painful suffering to our physical wellness in wearing ill-fitting clothing and shoes. Here are some negative side effects of wearing articles that don’t fit our bodies properly:
· Difficulty breathing – tight clothes and shoes can restrict blood circulation, our breathing and oxygen flow.
· Physical pain and discomfort – our muscles are constrained and the pressure from a tight size can increase muscle tension and joint pain.
· Poorly fitting clothing and shoes get in the way of freely moving. Oversized shoes for instance can make us walk unnaturally and change our gait while tight footwear can cause pain like blisters and bunions.
· Negative body image, lower confidence and lower self-esteem, believing that there is something wrong with our bodies because it doesn’t fit well into our clothes and shoes.
· Risk of or perpetuating an eating disorder. We may try to change our bodies through unhealthy restriction of food intake and unsafe physical exercise to fit into a body type, style or size that media and our culture deems is “good” and “attractive”.
How come it’s important and healthy for us to wear attire that fit our bodies properly and comfortably? The proper fit can boost our confidence, our mood, and our perspective about our bodies and ourselves.
Proper Fit for Our Changing Bodies
Our bodies change as we age and have experiences. Pregnancy alters your physiological shape and functioning. A medical condition can result in surgery or weight gain or loss; certain medications can also have similar effects. Your skin stretches and can stay stretched. Physical exercise and strengthening also changes the shape of our bodies. Clothes that don’t properly fit your body as it changes will cause you to negatively question our body’s natural beauty and strength. Our wardrobe needs to accommodate our changing bodies, not the other way around. Examine your lifestyle and body:
· How have your life experiences lead to certain changes? Your body will adjust to your lifestyle and habits whether good or bad.
· How do you feel about your body? Your attitude about your body influences the way you take care of your physical health and wellness, along with your perception of yourself.
· How have you been treating your body? Wearing clothing, bra and shoes that fit well on your body and are comfortable respects your body as it is, also known as body acceptance.
Proper Fit & Positive Body Image
You can love your body on one day, and the next day you may struggle with your appearance. Body image problems occur along a continuum ranging from mild dissatisfaction to severe body-hatred. A negative body image involves being hyper focused on comparing your appearance, physique, weight, size, or shape to specific and usually unrealistic ideals. It is generally a common symptom with self-esteem issues, depression, and most eating disorders. In contrast, you experience a positive body image when you’re able to accept, appreciate, respect, and enjoy your body for all that it does for you—regardless of its weight, size or shape.
Three movements that have value in our culture and creating a healthier relationship with our bodies, including those who are marginalized, are body positivity, body acceptance, and body neutrality:
Body positivity is a social movement that promotes equality and acceptance for bodies of all types and sizes. The body positivity movement rose in the 1960s and was created by and for those in marginalized bodies, including larger bodies, queer, Black, and disabled bodies, to advocate for people who experience discrimination based on how they look. Body positivity focuses on shifting how you think about your body instead of changing your body itself.
Body acceptance is treating your body with respect and care, including your deepest insecurities. Through body acceptance, you reflect on why you feel negatively toward your body and how you can find peace with your body without needing to change it. You don’t have to be thrilled with your body every minute and still figure out how to appreciate it as it is.
Body neutrality is a philosophy that believes bodies are neither good nor bad instead of focusing on loving how your body looks no matter what or on accepting your body as it is. Body neutrality is also the idea that we can still care for our bodies even if we don’t view them positively, and it does not require that you love your body all the time. Body neutrality promotes the idea that physical appearance does not determine self-worth.
These concepts can co-exist in how we relate to and care for our bodies and physical wellness. You may use body positivity to point out your body’s capabilities. You can apply body acceptance by wearing garments that fit your current body properly, supportively and comfortably rather than modifying your body’s shape and size through unsafe means to fit into clothing that isn’t the right fit or mimics a body that you see on celebrities and influencers. You may simultaneously practice a body neutrality philosophy by incorporating healthy lifestyle habits – like having regular nutritious meals and exercise – and reminding yourself about your talents and positive qualities as a person.
Intersect of Cultural Norms & Body Image
Asian families have a generational habit of negatively commenting on weight and body. These comments are unsolicited and unwelcomed, typically an elder commenting on a younger relative’s body. Such comments and gestures by parents and relatives can range from “you’re too fat, skinny, etc.” to “What have you been eating that you look like this?” Neighbors or family friends from the Asian community may feel they, too, can engage in such behaviors because it’s culturally acceptable, even if they are meeting you for the first time.
The recipient of such comments may question these negative comments which can lead to a reprimand by parents and elders– “They’re just asking you a question! Why are you being so sensitive?” Speaking against the commentator that remarks about your body make you feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s by an opposite sex relative examining your body, can be met with – “Be respectful. He’s your uncle” or “Don’t mind her. She’s like that”. Such reactions by relatives and friends dismiss the recipient’s feelings, induce shame and guilt for having a reaction, stir anger that they are forced to tolerate scrutiny of their bodies, and objectifies the recipient.
This type of cultural norm – blatantly expressing criticism about another’s weight and body – is dangerous to one’s physical health and wellness. The comments are hurtful, shaming, and usually unnecessary. I know individuals who experienced negative comments about their bodies in their families and over time developed a negative body image and, some, eating disorders or body dysmorphia. Kaibigan, can you relate to such cultural norm from your own experience in your family, community or culture?
Negative questions and comments about our weight don’t convey concern or praise for someone’s health and wellbeing. Such concern could be asked as, “How’s your health?”, “How are you living a healthy lifestyle?”, “What are you doing to take care of your health?”
How can you respectfully address a parent or relative’s body shaming and inappropriate comments about your body? Ongoing dialogue may likely be necessary if this is a cultural norm in your situation. You must determine if you are ready to have these conversations and the motivation behind your decision. Perhaps talking with a trusted family member or confidant about your experience and ideas on addressing this issue is a compassionate way to start this process.
You may already be at a place where you’ve made the decision to address these cultural norms. I present some ideas on how to talk about inappropriate comments on your body:
· You may need to invite the person commenting on your body into a private conversation to explore their intentions and goals behind their behaviors. You can ask to talk at a different time – like after the event – and space – such as at a neutral place or in one of your homes. You’re also creating an opportunity to share the impact of their comments on you and how it erodes your trust in them.
· Ask the question, “What are you hoping to get by saying that about my body?”
· You may even want to experiment with a direct approach in setting your boundary, “I don’t like what you said about my body/weight/clothing/appearance. Would you please not say those things about me again?”.
· In some situations, you may find it useful to call out body shaming behaviors by asking, “Are you worried about my health or are you saying that to embarrass me?”
· Share how you would like them, if at all, to express concern about your health, not your body size, shape or appearance.
Of course, it will feel culturally disobedient and anxiety provoking for many of us to open a conversation with family and anyone else who’s behavior criticizes our appearance, physique and weight. At the same time, their comments and attitude towards our bodies can affect our beliefs about our bodies and ourselves, can negate our healthy habits like wearing proper fitting clothing, and cause us to distrust our positive body image.
It’s physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally useful to consider how you can build on your positive body image that includes the three movements of body positivity, body acceptance, and body neutrality. These movements can also help you to challenge and navigate your cultural norms involving negative judgment about your body.
Our pasalubong for this month are resources and tips on wearing your proper fit to care for your physical wellness and outlook on your body:
· Check out our dedicated page on physical wellness for additional readings and ideas.
· Read our Notes: Ways to Ensure Proper Fitting Attire.
· Continue reading material on body positivity, body acceptance and body neutrality to learn more about these ideas and how they can help you with your physical wellness.
· Resources on body image and eating disorder
If you are struggling with food or body image, get help and support from an organization, healthcare provider and those you trust to walk with you during all stages of healing. Here are two websites we think are useful as informational resources:
(Disclaimer – we are not endorsing these organizations and the use of their services. The links and tools we showcase here are strictly for educational purposes to facilitate your interest and attention to your physical wellness.)
1) USA based NATIONAL EATING DISORDERS ASSOCIATION - https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline
2) Australia based THE BUTTERFLY FOUNDATION - https://butterfly.org.au/get-support/helpline/. Specific links to their resources,
a. https://butterfly.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/BodyImageTips-YoungPeople.pdf
b. https://butterfly.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/6-Ways-to-be-BodyPositive.pdf
c. https://butterfly.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/BodyImageTipsForParents.pdf
Kaibigan, wear your proper fit to avoid physical pain and discomfort. Wear your proper fit to counter negative impact of cultural and social norms. Wear your proper fit to maintain a positive body image. Wear your proper fit throughout your life to care for your growing and changing body. Wear your proper fit to compassionately respect your body and yourself.
Mabuhay,
Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well