Rest as an Antidote to Resolutions

January 2022        

Dear Kaibigan,

Happy 2022!! A new year usually kick-starts New Year’s resolutions people have made for themselves. Resolutions – those firm decisions to act – have become big plans for a better way of living and being. Many look to the month of January as our time to create change and balance in our lives in our pursuit of fulfillment and contentment. Balance may be between life and work, solitude and social, or hobbies and obligations just to name a few. It’s natural for us to want change in our lives when there is a new year or an ending of a phase or season. In fact, many want dramatic changes and by default have self-imposed pressure to make grand plans in the form of a resolution.

Popular resolutions surround physical health by going on a diet, buying fitness equipment and gear, committing to a gym or yoga studio membership, exercising regularly, and promising to spend more time in nature. These types of resolutions can be monstrous in terms of the efforts, finances, and time someone feels they need to put into executing their resolution. This can add stress. Even good sources of stress are still stressors that force us to adjust or figure out how to address that stress. I’d like to challenge this notion of making huge plans for big changes in the new year, especially in January. How come you may be asking, kaibigan ko?

I think about the number of changes and stress we’ve already underwent before we even reached January 2022. Adjustments to changes in season, surviving another year of this pandemic, celebrations of holidays and birthdays, living through a full calendar year, starting a new educational program or graduating from one, becoming a parent or caregiver, saying goodbye to loved ones, starting or ending a job, relocation or immigration, and so many more that I won’t list to spare my hand from ache. What changes can you name when you think back to 2021 and reminisce on what you’ve experienced? I bet it’s A LOT!

Let’s make space for all those changes you named and allow them to be fully recognized by NOT imposing another change so soon or quickly into 2022. I’m not saying you need to avoid changes or to not pursue your resolution. I’m asking you to entertain the idea of pausing between changes and to not fill up the new month with another big change so soon. We don’t need to always fill up cleared or empty space. We can declutter our home and leave it freshly cleared up rather than immediately adding new furniture or décor. Why not do that for ourselves in terms of pausing before acting towards another change?

An ‘antidote’ to a resolution is to rest. What?? Rest?? Again, think back to the changes you’ve already experienced in 2021…aren’t you tired from the good and bad changes you’ve gone through? Do you feel stressed out from having to take on more or adding more tasks and goals? Do you sometimes feel that you’re on the verge or maybe already in the state of burnout? I think some people have a hard time getting started on their resolutions partly because they’re losing steam or are exhausted from all the changes in the previous year by the time January begins. It doesn’t make much sense why we would then pressure ourselves to keep at a firm decision to act because of a social or cultural tradition to have a resolution. This just gives way to us feeling more stress to produce or act that is counter to what our bodies and minds are truly needing. We have a new set of 12 months to experience natural change and to create a change or two. There is no need to rush into making changes before we first rest. We can choose to and are deserving of rest.

Rest as an antidote to resolutions may seem counterintuitive or silly. My view on rest is that it’s a way to acknowledge what we’ve been through and applaud our resilience up to that point in our lives. Have you ever run up a staircase or hill and stopped at the top, maybe just to catch your breath, and looked down to where you started? If you have, then I’m guessing you felt a sense of pride and accomplishment that you reached the top, even if you were still gasping for air. How would you have been able to see how far you went if you didn’t stop to rest and look back, to take note of the distance you traveled? Rest can look like stopping what you’re doing and pay attention to what is happening in the moment. Rest can look like stopping to observe what you’ve already accomplished instead of what else you need to do. Taking rest allows us to see the gravity of what we’ve endured and where we are currently in our life.

Rest as an antidote to resolutions is a way to help our bodies and minds to let go of tension and to divert attention to what may be healing for us. Rest in this manner can look like slowing down your pace as you move through your day, breathing, napping, sitting, laying down, meditating, getting a massage, stretching, or taking in natural light. Rest can also look like saying no to requests and invitations that do not interest you or may cause more stress on your body. Resting instead of acting to produce more allows us to re-energize and clear the stress and pressures our bodies store. We then increase our body’s ability to tackle on the next task, duty and big or small changes that come our way.

I’m now pondering how most women tend to have a hard time resting. Women of color especially resist or fight resting even if they want to because many can’t afford to rest as they’re the primary or sole breadwinners of their families, they have the responsibilities to provide to families or a community in some way or haven’t socially and culturally been taught how to rest and the importance of rest. Filipino and other AAPI women historically have maintained roles as caretakers of the home and the family, and I witness their hesitancy or rejection to rest. Rest is seen as indulgent and is a privilege that they don’t possess. Most feel they must keep working, moving, doing for the sake of their and their family’s welfare. In your family or culture, who sits in for the women when they’re ill or unmotivated to fulfill their daily responsibilities? Who takes over when the women need to work and can’t be at home? Or need to be at home and can’t be at work? Who in your family tends to be the rescuer when the family is in trouble or in need of some way or when it’s the woman who needs rescuing? When can a woman rest and not feel guilt or shame to do so? What does rest even look like in your family, kaibigan? Do the women in your family make their own resolutions in response to their roles or to create space for themselves? Does your family or culture support their desire and efforts to take rest?

Rest is also a form of gratitude to us and to those who do their part to care for us. We celebrate our progress and successes when we pause through rest while also creating mental and emotional space to reflect on any toils or obstacles we are currently working through. By resting, we can heal or recharge which leads to enhancing our ability to show up in our relationships in a kinder way. Consider how grumpy we can get when we’re lacking in sleep. Our bodies cannot function properly if we’re sleep-deprived (many parents nurturing infants can attest to the side effects of losing or lacking in restful sleep). Resting can dissolve negative emotions like irritability, anger, frustration, and sadness which leads us to be more present in our interactions with others and allows them to experience us while we’re in a settled state.

Rest as an antidote to resolutions can take on any form and look in any way that is personal to you. Maybe it’s making sure you take a few sips of your morning beverage before checking emails. Maybe you take a longer shower on some days to get your body to physically relax. Maybe it’s leaving your house or workplace to lounge in a new environment where no one knows you. Our pasalubong for this month is to play around with taking rest:

 ·       Define “rest” for yourself and which of the five senses are involved?

 ·       Describe your ideal way to rest.

 ·       What is one way you can help your body to let go of tension without doing a strenuous activity?

 ·       How can you create moments of rest in your day?

 ·       Imagine you felt rested. How would you be different in your relationships?

 ·       Imagine you felt rested. How would you view yourself?

 ·       What gets in your way of taking rest?

 ·       What do you need to be able to take rest alone?

 ·       What do you need to be able to take rest with others?

Taking rest alone is a way of self-care while taking rest with others is a form of connecting. Either way, you are allowing your body to reset and re-energize. Kaibigan ko, I want you to rest to give space and gratitude for all the changes you’ve experienced and made before January started. I want you to rest to challenge the notion that we must be ready to act towards big changes come the new year. I want you to rest to combat oppression on women and people of color who survived through non-stop work. I want you to rest to care for yourself in a gentle way. I want you to rest to give yourself time to prepare for the natural and intentional changes that are awaiting you in 2022. I want you to rest to refine balance in your life.

 Wishing you a restful January,

 Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well