Hugging & Its Alternatives
February 2022
Dear Kaibigan,
Last month I shared with you my thoughts on the importance of taking rest to pause and challenge starting on a resolution so quickly into this new year. Essentially, take rest to refine balance in your life. How did your rest look and feel like? How did resting help you to manage your stress?
I suspect that our continued state of pandemic purgatory will remain on our list of stressors, and thus frustratingly tricky to immerse in feelings of hopefulness, excitement, contentment, or happiness. There will be a gnawing anxiety, irritability, frustration, or sense of doom for most of us. Maybe it’ll help to pay attention to the many events and holidays in America this month that will be celebrated – Black History, Lunar New Year (February 1st), International Day of Women (February 11th), Galentine’s Day (February 13th), Valentine’s Day (February 14th), Random Acts of Kindness (February 17th), World Day of Social Justice (February 20th), and President’s Holiday (February 21st). As we make time to involve ourselves in these commemorative expressions of gratitude, love and humanity, The Giving Well dedicates February to our emotional wellness by focusing on the benefits of hugs.
Giving and receiving hugs is good for our health, for our brain and for our emotional wellness. How so? Research suggests that nurturing interpersonal physical touch can lead to beneficial physiological changes, such as reductions in the stress hormone, cortisol, lowers blood pressure in stressful situations, and increases the release of the mood-enhancing hormone oxytocin. Hugging is a type of physical contact that provides pleasant tactile sensations and activates the pressure receptors we have on the skin, which are known as Pacini corpuscles and respond mainly to deep pressure. These receptors immediately stimulate the vagus nerve to deactivate the area of the brain that responds to threats and keeps us tense. Our heart rate, blood pressure and respiratory rate decrease helping us to breathe deeply and fully. We feel less tense and agitated and can go into a state of calm and improved mood. Hugging is also essential to develop and maintain a proper sense of our body. A friendly hug, or a gentle, affectionate caress, influences the brain’s ability to recognize that our physical body is our own and a part of our psychological self, also known as ‘body ownership’.
How else is hugging good for us?
- It improves our sleep as it lowers levels of the hormone cortisol which is a regulator of our sleep-wake cycle.
- It could help us fight off infections through regulation of our hormones – including oxytocin and cortisol – thereby touching and hugging can also affect our body’s immune response.
On the emotional level, hugs are an intimate and intense way of expressing feelings. A hug can communicate to someone that they are cared for and can count on us. A hug can bring comfort and a sense of safety to the person who is being embraced. Hugging can convey that we understand the person’s state of emotions. A hug helps release oxytocin, as I mentioned, which allows us to connect emotionally with other people and encourages us to trust them. It also influences the production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter known as “the pleasure hormone” as it generates a pleasant feeling of satisfaction that helps to relieve stress and tension and lowers anxiety. Basically, hugging increases our wellbeing and pleasure because this nurturing touch releases endorphins, which makes us see hugs and touch as rewarding.
I understand that there are cultural practices and beliefs around hugging that guide whether giving and/or receiving a hug is even appropriate, from whom we receive a hug, what a hug conveys, and where – publicly or privately – and how a hug is permitted to be displayed. Our multi-cultural influences don’t equate to our willingness or capability to embrace hugging. It may, though, color our own opinion on the value and role of a hug whether positively or negatively. What impact does your culture have on your view and interest in embracing hugs?
Of course, not everyone desires a hug, and even the people who appreciate physical affection will have varied response to hugs depending on who the hug comes from. Research findings indicate that positive physiological changes are generally induced by a hug with a friend or family member. However, these changes do not occur, for example, from a hug with a stranger of the opposite sex because it could be taken as sexually offensive. The effects of interpersonal touch on physiological responses are affected by how people are touched and by whom. For those who have endured trauma where physical touch has been used as an abusive weapon, a hug can feel dangerous and emotionally triggering. Someone on the autism spectrum or with sensory integration needs, could experience a hug as overstimulating to their senses and physically unbearable. Some of us may be restricted by necessity and cautiousness to limit hugging while we remain in this pandemic.
I think part of the frustration and decline in mental health in the general population is that we have been in an unrelenting period during which we couldn’t hug or offer a satisfying alternative to this gentle and nurturing touch. We lacked the interpersonal touch that could help us to ease stress and experience pleasure and sense of connection to others. Explicit shows of support and solidarity demonstrate care and affection. Hugs are straightforward actions that let someone know we’re there for them. How can you then connect with others if you can’t or don’t want to embrace hugging as a form of affection and support? Words in the absence of or as alternative to hugs can also illustrate our empathy and concern.
Kaibigan, if you’re not into hugs, aren’t allowed to, aren’t able to, or are selective on who you are willing to or from whom you receive a hug, there are different ways you can still create closeness and experience the positive benefits from a gentle hug to reduce your stress levels and boost your emotional wellness. Here are some self-soothing ideas as our pasalubong for this month:
· Self hugs. Your own touch can stimulate the vagus nerve causing similar effects as if a trusted person is hugging you. Wrap your arms around your shoulders or chest and squeeze. Another option is the ‘Butterfly Hug’ which you can use as a grounding exercise. Here’s a video to guide you, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGGJrqscvtU.
· Interact with an animal. You can cuddle or stroke a pet dog or cat. Oxytocin levels have been found to increase in both the pet and owner. Can you play with someone’s pet or volunteer at an animal shelter if you don’t have your own?
· Engage in a tactile activity such as getting a massage, holding hands with a loved one, sitting close to a friend so your shoulders, for instance, are touching against theirs. These activities can lead to similar positive effects from a hug and can therefore be used to reduce anxiety and stress levels and foster nurturing social interactions.
· Yoga as well as other physical exercise is used by many people as a relaxation technique and to achieve positive emotional effects.
· Taking time for introspection on what hugging means for you:
o In your culture and upbringing, what does a ‘hug’ mean? Is it encouraged or discouraged? What are the rules or guidelines around hugging?
o What’s your earliest memory of a ‘good’ hug?
o Describe a time when a hug didn’t feel nurturing, good or safe? Who was involved? How come the hug didn’t have a positive effect on you?
o How would you want to be hugged so that you feel comforted and safe?
o In what types of situations would you want to be hugged?
o Who would you want hugging you?
o In what types of situations would you want to offer a hug to someone else? How would you offer a hug so that it conveys your intention of care and empathy?
· Use your words in the form of a call, letter, email, or text message to express your affection and to offer support, especially to those who are grieving, struggling and isolating.
o Offer your gratitude to someone – “I’m so grateful for our friendship”.
o Share a fond memory or funny moment – “I was just thinking of the last time when you and I had lunch and I remembered us laughing so hard”.
o Let someone know you sent or left them a thoughtful present – “I was at the store, and I thought it’d be fun to surprise you with a bag of your favorite chips. I left it at your door”.
o Send a photo of something that inspired you or reminded you of the person and add a message – “This photo of you puts a smile on my face whenever I see it”.
o Share a link to a song or video that reminds you of the person – “This song came on and I started to miss you”.
o Offer a specific way to help out the person – “I know you’re quarantining. I can buy dinner and drop it off. What do you feel like eating?”.
Human touch is a way to build social connections and sense of belonging. The benefits spectrum of hugging includes an enrichment to our emotional wellness. I recognize that not all of us want, need or can be hugged. There are alternatives as I’ve shared in this letter. There are also cultural practices that influence our openness to this type of physical affection and can change over time depending on our personal experiences. Even if hugging isn’t your thing, know that your words can feel like hugs, and they can be healing.
Sending you a virtual embrace,
Angel, on behalf of The Giving Well
P.S. Here are my sources in case you want to read more on the science behind hugs -
Inagaki, T. K. & Eisenberger, N. I. (2012) Neural correlates of giving support to a loved one. Psychosom Med; 74(1): 3-7.
Sumioka, H. et. Al. (2013) Huggable communication medium decreases cortisol levels. Nature; 3: 3024.
Crucianelli, L. et. Al. (2013) Bodily Pleasure Matters: Velocity of Touch Modulates Body Ownership During the Rubber Hand Illusion. Frontiers in Psychology; 4: 703.
Uvnäs-Moberg K. et.Al. (2015) Self-soothing behaviors with particular reference to oxytocin release induced by non-noxious sensory stimulation. Frontiers in Psychology; 5: 1529.
Murphy, M. L. et. Al. (2018) Receiving a hug is associated with the attenuation of negative mood that occurs on days with interpersonal conflict. PLoS One; 13: e0203522.
https://www.news24.com/health24/mental-health/four-health-benefits-of-hugs-and-why-they-feel-so-good-20210526