Are You Feeling Restless?
October 2023
Dear Kaibigan,
How are you at staying still, sitting in quiet spaces or feeling comfortable in silence? Do you feel content not packing your day with activities or are you more comfortable with keeping busy and using most of your time doing something? How is it for you to be alone with your own thoughts and not interact with others through social media or virtual space during this solitude time? How long – seconds, minutes, hours – can you go without taking over a conversation when you’re in the company of others?
Any difficulty you have in stillness, quiet and peaceful moments may be an indicator that you are feeling restless. Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘restlessness’ as, “the quality of being unwilling or unable to stay still or to be quiet and calm, because you are worried or bored.” What part of this definition relates to you?
It’s awkward and unnerving for some of us to take our time, to have periods in our day when we aren’t working or busying ourselves with a task. Some of us also find it distressing and embarrassing to be alone. Common themes about restlessness that I’ve gathered from clients in my role as a therapist include:
anxiety that they are “wasting time” if they have a slower pace or take rest
a belief around being responsible includes following through, getting things done right away or “correctly”
anticipating others’ needs
worry that their insecurities will be discovered if they aren’t filling up social time with conversation
a desire to be the center of attention
fear of being alone
avoiding feeling their loneliness
having a history of trauma that keeps one vigilant, meaning being on the lookout for something bad to happen
survival skill that one must keep moving, doing, acting to ensure one’s emotional, psychological and/or physical safety – can also be tied to trauma, one’s upbringing, or current situation
living in a capitalistic society in which productivity is highly valued and extrapolated
Restlessness isn’t necessarily a negative feeling or state to inhabit. Restlessness can be a catalyst for change, the catalyst for evolution. It is an innate sensation that resonates within the depths of our being, a constant tugging at the strings of our soul. It is the whisper of possibility, beckoning us to venture beyond the confines of familiarity. Restlessness fuels our desire for growth, propelling us forward when stagnation threatens to envelop us. It is the restlessness that drives the entrepreneur to pursue their vision, the artist to create masterpieces, and the dreamer to chase after the intangible.
Restlessness is both a blessing and a curse, for the restless spirit knows no bounds, always yearning for more, yet never fully content. My remedy for the dissatisfaction or discontent that comes with restlessness is to roll with our restlessness with care. Like tracking a rolling ball, we can follow our restlessness and see where within our inner world it leads us. Satiate your craving for growth through restlessness by understanding the reasons you feel restless, by routinely evaluating how your daily choices and activities line up with wellness-centered living, and by ritually spending time in nature.
What’s causing your restlessness and what is it telling you?
Uncovering and understanding the ‘why’ behind your restlessness requires ongoing self-reflections and ongoing observations in those moments when you struggle with sitting still or doing very little.
This is not about judging yourself. It’s more about getting to know how your restlessness shows up and questioning with wonder, “Hmmm, what is this about?”. The ‘sitting’ with your restlessness is paying attention to when you can’t be still, can’t focus, are moving quickly, multi-tasking, feeling anxious, or feeling bored. Be curious with your restlessness.
Journal – video, write, type – the ideas, thoughts and feelings that come up for you. Note any patterns and associations. What types of situations happened right before or a few days before that may be causing you to feel restless? Is there an upcoming event that you’ve been thinking about? If so, what’s your reaction to just thinking about it? Did you have an interaction with others that you’re replaying in your mind? Do an emotional check, how are you feeling today? Your thoughts may be positive or negative, yet they are still valid thoughts. Your feelings are neither good or bad. Let whatever thoughts and emotions fill you without judgement. You’ll have an easier time figuring out what your restlessness is about, and then you can consider how you want to use it for your growth.
Talk to someone about your reflections. You may be an external processor and your brain can make connections the more you open up out loud. At the very least, talking can release some pressure that comes with quietly dealing with life issues . Some helpful people you can talk with could be a trusted loved one or seeking out the support of a therapist, a community or cultural elder, a religious or spiritual leader, counseling support hotlines, or another professional. Even if you’re an introvert or fall somewhere in between, talking to someone you can trust curbs restlessness and loneliness.
Wellness-Centered Living
Wellness-centered living prompts you to make lifestyle choices that are supportive of your values and overall wellbeing while being considerate of others and nature. Making time to be with yourself naturally draws your attention onto you, which can expand your awareness of what is going on in your inner world.
What’s making you feel happy, sad, mad, anxious, love? What’s exciting to you? What’s draining you and leaving you dissatisfied? What’s under-stimulating and causing you to seek out things to do? I understand this process can be very intimidating for some. You may even wince or scoff at the idea, especially if your upbringing has taught you that you aren’t the most important person in the room or you must prioritize others’ needs over your own as a ‘good’ person or member of society. I recommend revisiting my September 2023 letter to get in touch with how you’re creating meaningful experiences for yourself.
Time in Nature, Shinrin-Yoku
I’ve learned throughout my life and more so as a therapist that being immersed in nature in some form allows us to be present in the moment and to engage our senses, which gives way to being still within ourselves and in the space we occupy. Nature time is usually a more favorable way for many of my clients to slow down and spend time alone as it’s a socially or culturally acceptable form of taking time for themselves.
This remedy of nature time involves intention and awareness. Essentially doing a tree bath, or as the Japanese beautifully refer to as shinrin-yoku. This means “forest bathing” or “absorbing the forest atmosphere” – spending time attentively wandering in a forest or natural setting as you engage your senses in your surroundings.
Shinrin-yoku was developed and coined in Japan in the 1980’s by the Japanese Ministry of Agriculture, Forestry, and Fisheries in response to a public health crisis of high stress and burn out rate in densely populated cities like Tokyo. The Japanese government invested millions of dollars into investigating the health benefits of spending time in nature, and since established 62 dedicated Shinrin-Yoku locations across Japan where you meet with a medical professional to test heart rate, pulse, cortisol and mood. Locals and visitors can walk, take a train or pull over on a highway to walk through these designated areas and bathe in nature’s healing elements for free! The Japanese government has ensured that their residents and visitors can easily access nature to combat stress and have a healthier lifestyle. How amazing is this for a country to integrate nature time to counterbalance stress and improve their people’s health?!
Why spend time in nature? What do you get from shinrin-yoku? By conducting studies in Forest Therapy, the Japanese government discovered some of the following health benefits from spending time in a forest:
Increased Killer T Cell activity thereby improving immunity through mindfulness and exposure to Phytoncides, a chemical produced by trees to ward off disease
Elevated Mood
Decrease in heart rate and blood pressure
Lower levels of stress hormone cortisol
Improved concentration
Still unsure if shinrin-yoku is for you or a remedy for your restlessness? Consider this: a stressor of any kind activates your nervous system’s fight-or-flight response, preparing you to act. If you’re feeling restless or bored, these may be your stressors that causes your nervous system to produce more cortisol (stress hormone) and adrenaline, in the same way that your nervous system would be activated if you were being chased by a dangerous animal. You feel a surge of physical force to find a task to do at home, to spend longer days at your job, to ask a friend or coworker to hang out so as avoid quiet time, or to make conversation without substance. Constantly following this reactive force to keep busy is stressful. And chronic stress is detrimental to your health. This is partly why I encourage you to start exercising your brain and body to opt for the alternative of shinrin-yoku.
Our pasalubong this month are gentle nudges to encourage you to practice shinrin-yoku on your own:
You don’t need to literally be in a forest or wooded area to engage in shinrin-yoku. You could go to a local park, your back or front yard, on hiking trails, a beach, a public garden, sit underneath a tree, or some other natural setting to access the health benefits (like lowering your cortisol levels and uplifting your mood) of spending time in a forest.
I highly suggest you go on your own if you are or have been feeling restless, have difficulty being in silence with others, haven’t had time to be by yourself, or feel overwhelmed. Doing so will get you into the practice of paying attention to what you hear, see, smell, touch, and, maybe, taste as you take your walk without the distraction of paying attention to someone else or the temptation to people-please or to be on your mobile device.
However, safety is a priority, so if you’re feeling apprehensive about being in nature, stick to a public park or garden nearby, choose a tree in your neighborhood or one near your work, or walk in a garden store or nursery.
Always pay attention to your surroundings, stay on marked trails, and wear appropriate gear for your safety if you do decide to go further away or on a hiking trail by yourself.
Let someone know where you’re going and for how long.
Bring a friend or companion if you don’t want to venture by yourself and let them know in advance your intention to take these walks in nature.
You can bring water, a blanket or towel, snacks, and other items that will help you to stay comfortable and nourished during your stay in nature.
Silence or turn on the airplane mode of your phone or other devices when you’ve reached your chosen spot. The key is to practice being present in the moment and absorb through your five senses – smell, see, feel, hear, touch, taste – what is around you. This is also known as mindfulness. Read my letter on Mindfulness: Lean on Your Senses for ideas on how to use your senses. This is a helpful read before you go on your walks and to develop your attunement to your senses.
Once you’ve arrived at your destination, take a few deep breaths and center yourself. Focus on what your senses are taking in — whether it’s the scent of the trees, sound of the roaring ocean waves or rustling leaves, the feel of the breeze meeting your face, the sights of colors, or the sound of chirping birds.
Spend a few moments simply looking at your surroundings. Sit and watch how the trees sway in the wind or simply walk around. If you decide to walk, go at an easy pace. It’s important to let your mind and senses explore and enjoy the environment.
A good rule of thumb is to practice shinrin-yoku for at least 20 minutes every day. Start with a shorter amount of time or less number of days and build up to this if you don’t have that much time to carve out in the beginning. Shinrin-yoku is meant to ease you into your surroundings and detach from everyday distractions and obligations for that period you’re in nature. Don’t fret if you need a longer or shorter amount of time to relax into your surroundings. Just noticing how you’re feeling and responding while in nature is part of the process.
Lastly, there is no right or wrong way to practice shinrin-yoku. Look up at the trees. Walk with attunement to your senses and take in what nature is showing you.
Restlessness ignites the fire within us, demanding that we seize the moment and embrace the unknown with open arms. May you note how you engage in the company of yourself and others. May you calm busy energy with an immersive pace through shinrin-yoku. May your restless moments entice you to wonder what is going on within your mind and heart.
Have fun being inquisitive,
Angel