Are You Valuing Rituals?
December 2023
Dear Kaibigan,
It can be easy to overlook the significance and impact of rituals. These time-honored practices hold profound importance in our lives, serving as quiet reminders of our beliefs, values, and connections to one another. This month, I want to explore with you the importance of valuing rituals, delving into how they foster reflection, how they sustain emotional well-being, and how they cultivate a sense of belonging and continuity.
Rituals and Reflection
Rituals provide us with precious opportunities for meaningful contemplation. Whether it's a daily meditation, a weekly family dinner, or an annual holiday celebration, these structured moments allow us to pause, step back from our daily routines, and introspect. By engaging in rituals, we are encouraged to slow down, find stillness, and connect with our thoughts, emotions, and spirituality. In our fast-paced society, this intentional reflection allows us to better understand ourselves, our purpose, and our place in the world.
Laura and I have a ritual within our friendship that keeps us learning more about one another and opens new pathways in supporting each other’s interests and hopes as we grow up (and older) together. Laura, many moons ago, talked me into choosing three words each year to guide me for the new year. The idea was that the words would help me to focus on what I wanted to work towards and how I wanted to be intentional in how I live.
Rituals Nurture Emotional Well-being
It was a fascinating exercise to reflect on what was going on in my life and the kind of experiences I wanted to have in the upcoming new year. A big influence on the early words I chose was my career and the setting in which I worked. I was inundated with long work hours, mental health crises with clients, and laborious demands to build new programs at work. I was also facing head-on personal existential questioning. I chose words that targeted my work responsibilities in hopes that I would be able to mitigate the overwhelmingly stressful demands and allow me the spaciousness to entertain the existential questioning that followed me like a shadow on a sunny day.
Some earlier words involved color, goals in how I wanted to interact with others, parts of my value system that I wanted to practice, and aspirations in how I wanted to grow during the inevitable new year. The words I chose also gave me reassurance in periods of irregularity and helped ease my apprehension as I questioned my personhood and advocated for myself in relationships.
Rituals and traditions play a vital role in supporting our emotional well-being. They act as anchors, holding us steady amidst life's uncertainties and upheavals. Rituals provide a sense of guarantee, predictability, and stability, offering solace when we navigate challenging times. Whether it's a cherished morning routine to start the day positively or a personal ritual for self-care, these practices help cultivate emotional resilience, reduce stress, and enhance overall mental well-being, fostering a sense of balance and equilibrium.
The sharing of my words with Laura was an outlet for self-expression, allowing us to connect with our emotions, release pent-up feelings, and find healing through communal support. Our ritual offered a space for introspection and contemplation together. We made sense of our experiences and encouraged wellness-centered living in our progress to create meaningful experiences within our friendship and in our independent lives.
Sense of Belonging and Continuity
Laura and I would have hours-long calls talking about our words; an intimate conversation that let each other take part in the backstage of our thoughts. We got to sit and listen in at the writers’ table where ideas flowed, and scripts were created by our friend.
I felt connected to Laura, and, during those moments, we were in the same time zone and room. That we were friends sitting together over glasses of tropical ice teas and rich lattes and warm bread and butter, just as we had during our college years. Our focus words became a reliable ritual that embedded us in each other’s lives.
Participating in rituals and traditions fosters a powerful sense of belonging. When individuals come together to observe shared practices, they create a sense of cohesion and togetherness that transcends societal divisions. Our tradition forged my connection and bond with Laura, encouraging solidarity and a collective spirit.
Connection to Heritage and Culture
I now understand that rituals and traditions are deeply rooted in our heritage and culture. They serve as bridges between generations, allowing us to understand and appreciate our ancestors' experiences, wisdom, and values. Through rituals, we pass down stories, belief systems, dances, songs, and other forms of cultural expression, preserving our unique identities.
Reinforcement of Shared Values
Rituals and traditions also serve as tangible expressions of our shared values, guiding and reinforcing the ethical and moral compasses of individuals and the wider community. They enable us to transmit generational wisdom, reminding us of the principles and beliefs that form the foundation of our society. Through participating in these rituals, we internalize these values, fostering a sense of unity and common purpose.
Laura and I chose our individual words based on current experiences and hopes. I learned about the differing impact we endured from relationships and the society in which we were immersed post-college. I compared myself to the contrasting roles we had, curious as to how I would’ve fared if the roles were reversed. I was in awe at how she had managed a new lifestyle while I was in constant transitions. While our lives snaked around and intertwined at many points, our rituals of long conversations through our focus words and the common milestones we reached held safely our shared morals and ethics on being a benevolent person and living as such. Our chosen lifestyles lead to diverging trails, yet our shared values were our alleyways to commonalities and friendship.
Marking Milestones and Transitions
Rituals and traditions help us navigate significant milestones and life transitions. Whether it be births, weddings, funerals, or coming-of-age ceremonies, these customs provide a framework and a sense of order during times of change. By acknowledging and commemorating these pivotal moments, rituals become a source of comfort, guidance, and support, guiding individuals through the complexities of life.
It was easy for me to participate and contribute to annual rituals and other traditions with Laura as our friendship was a lighthouse in confusing periods of my life. I would be navigating the ocean of ideas and questions in my mind, and Laura was a person who nudged me in a direction of comprehension. She cheered me on when I reached milestones and checked in on me when I felt the engulfment of the chaos of another transition. Our ritualistic talks and traditions reinforced our commitment to our friendship and celebrated our womanhood.
Creating Rhythms and Structure
Rituals and traditions also contribute to the creation of rhythms and structure in our lives. By establishing regular practices, we find a sense of stability and predictability. These rituals provide a framework for our daily routines, offering a respite from the chaos and uncertainty that can often overwhelm us. They provide moments of reflection, grounding us in the present and recharging our spirits.
Laura and I carried our 3-words ritual into The Giving Well space with a bit of modification. We have an annual theme – this year’s being wellness-centered living and friendships – and one of the 10 wellness dimensions are highlighted each month of the year with December and January having their unique emphasis on celebrations and refining balance. In these ways, our themes and dimensions are the guiding focus words for the content Laura and I offer you. This allows us to synchronize into a cadence despite continents apart and collaborate more thoughtfully as we naturally do in our private conversations. I enjoy the dialogues rooted in our friendship that then take life in the stories and musings we share with you.
Our pasalubong this month is a callout for you to think on the role of rituals in your life and which ones still or can hold importance for you:
What types of rituals and traditions did you learn about from your family, culture or community?
In looking back to the practice of these rituals and traditions, what significance do they have for your family, culture and/or community? How about for you?
Which ritual or tradition was the most fun for you to participate in and how come?
Which ritual or tradition was the most difficult for you to participate in and how come?
Which ritual or tradition – either from upbringing or one that you’ve created – do you now feel to be the most meaningful for you and why?
What rituals or traditions do you have with a friend or group? How do these bridge connections for you and a sense of belonging?
With which friend(s) would you like to connect through a ritual?
In thinking about this/these friend(s), what are the ways you have felt distant from them? How have you contributed to this disconnection? How have they?
How can creating or practicing a ritual with them help to bring closeness and sense of unity?
What is one focus word you can have for this upcoming new year that will be a supportive guide in nurturing your wellness-centered living and bridging connections?
Rituals anchor meaning and connection to our friends, loved ones and community. In a world that can sometimes feel fragmented and transient, valuing rituals is more crucial than ever. These timeless practices offer us a space for reflection, emotional well-being, and a sense of belonging that sustains us. Let’s embrace the inherent power of rituals and cultivate them, experiencing the profound sense of meaning and connection that they bring. We carve out pockets of stillness, embrace our emotions, and strengthen our bonds with ourselves and one another as we treasure these rituals. Ultimately, enriching our lives and those around us.
May your rituals and traditions strengthen your belonging in this world,
Angel